From a damn HINDU DEVOTEE to an ATHEIST
*From a damn hindu devotee to an atheist.*
Although I call myself an atheist now,I was not always like this.I couldn’t accept people from a specific religion.
I'm 17 now,although I've passed a very little part of my life,I've seen, observed and concluded a lot.I'm gonna start from the beginning.
I come from an Indian hindu brahmin family,my parents and the other older members were so in the religious things.My uncle is a hindu priest,we worshipped goddess kali at our home with flamboyance. My mother arranged the puja things devotedly.I've two sisters,the eldest one was so much in these things.So basically I had always been in a religious atmosphere.
I remember once at a point,I was about 9 years old, I dreamt of being a scientist. I dreamt of construct two temples in my house one of goddess kali, another of goddess tara as kali was worshipped at our family. A while later I realised they r all female so I need a male one too,as if it was choosing female and male singers😂.Then I chose lord narayan.
I was happy with my believes and dreams.
The same year I caught a severe fever that lasted around for 1-1.5 weeks.I saw a doctor and he said my blood would need to b tested if it doesnt cure in 3 days.So as a kid I was scared as hell regarding the blood test.So I prayed hard to maa tara to cure me and took an afternoon nap and when I woke up in evening miraculously my fever was gone!I was shocked and happy both at the same time.I was speechless that god really exists! I prayed and she blessed me! This made my belief more stronger on the god theory.
My elder sister was a bit different from others of my family, she was against these theorems, dont know where did she get this from.She had arguments with our mother and eldest sister for several times regarding this theism, disrespect for religion. Even I also didnt like the fact that she was against our tradition.
Days went,I got to standard 5, met new friends in school. Met mates from different religions,castes.Caste was not a factor to me ever but religion was, I generally avoided girls from muslim community, although I didnt have problems with christianity or other religions. Actually I hated the fact that the muslims eat beef,although reason behind it was not because hindus worship cows as mother. The reason was because I loved cows,they r so calm and innocent. How could someone kill them? Whenever I met new muslims I always asked them weird questions.
I remember once I asked a muslim girl in my class whether she likes beef or not,she replied gladly "yes", and my reaction was like 'aww chhiiii'.I never liked sitting with any muslim because I had thoughts that they r dirty somehow.But I never argued or insulted anyone from the muslim community because I was raised learning from my mother not to talk bad to anyone.
Giving up on god:
The same year I had two pet rabbits.They had given birth of their breeds.I loved them more than anything, infact the most.I didnt know how to take care of the baby rabbits and due to lack of proper care the 4 baby's health were deteriorating and were dying one by one.I prayed so hard to god to save them but nothing happened and they all died.The day I realised I was living in a myth for all these days and promised to myself of never attending any religious ritual.But as a kid it was easy for me to get convinced by the majority's interests.The majority of my family was believer of god.
Although I started giving up faith from god, I kept hating muslims.I remember another incident that was a bit more serious.I was in standard 7. A friend of me didnt bring tiffin that day instead she got money to buy something. The same day ironically our school authority was collecting funds from students for some helping issues.And that friend donated the money she got for her tiffin.She was not with me during the tiffin period so I couldnt share mine with her.A muslim girl had some of her tiffin left and she offered my friend for it.And I was the one who insisted her not to eat that tiffin.
After the tiffin period she felt a stomach ache and felt sick bcz she didnt eat anything in tiffin.Well at last she ate her tiffin in the words of a teacher.
Another time I refused to join a group feast bcz of a muslim member in it.
I knew I didnt believe in the god theories but I kept hating people regarding their religion,dont know what phase I was actually going through during this period.
Although I was always frank to everyone to say hi hello or these,I had no problems in talking with muslims or sitting with them but had in sharing tiffin.
I had other friends who were so close to muslim mates,and eventually I had to get familiar with them.I spoke with the muslim mates and saw how they had veiws over it.They didnt hate me bcz of my religion or food practices.
I gradually started understanding my elder sister's anti-racism thoughts,I started changing my mind.I stopped being stranged hearing her words anymore.I started judging things in a broad aspect.I realised the ones I used to consider dirtier than me were rather more transparent than me from mindset.This made me rethink about my mentality, personality.
I started greeting my muslim mates on eid or their festivals and saw them greeting me back.I felt good dk why.Ig I was going through the SECULARISM phase.
But the eating issue was still there.
A piece of religious stuff might be was still left in me.I realised I didnt completely deny the god theories!Because I didnt enter the oratory of my house during my menstrual period.Even I didnt contradict with my mother about these biased rituals many times.May be I still had a fear of getting cursed by god,so I could not completely avoid them.
I talked to my sister abt it and she said ' what exactly is stopping u from entering it?', 'its a scientific thing that every woman has to go through,why do u still obey these nonsense rules?'I thought about it, I studied about menstruation and other scientific facts that contradict god theories.I gradually started reforming me and got guts of denying these nonsense idiotic rules.
I entered the oratory if I needed.
My reformation got a flow
point when I started discussing politics with my sister.I got to know what is communism or marxism like.The thing that attracted me towards it was the classless theory.I gained interests in politics.I started accepting the fact that all are same and all have their rights to eat whatever they want.I realised the fact that as muslims eat beef hindus also do the same to he-goats. Later I asked the muslim member for who I didnt join the group feast for her tiffin,she was stranged seeing me asking for her tiffin.She surprisedly asked 'u really will eat from me?'.I felt embarrassed and said 'why not?u wont be out of tiffin if u give me a bite of it na?'.And I ate.But I hesitated.But after stepping into atheism now I've a very good muslim friend in my tution from who I drink water daily without getting hesitated.
This was how I became friendly with the muslims.How I started accepting their food habits. How I won the inner racist me.
I respected their religious beliefs too.It was secularism too I guess.
On the other hand I was dealing with my beliefs in god.I was confused.
I've seen old persons asking for logic when I tell a scientific fact but ironically their ease of knowing logic gets vanished when I ask them logic of any religious belief.And this also made me think of the theism.I realised there are many oppressive rules in my religion,be it for lower castes,be it for women. Thinking about the racism made me oppose the monotonousness of religion.I started wondering why do I even have to label myself with a religion?Does this feed me?Does this makes me a famous person?All the time I asked these the answer I got was 'NO'.And I finally decided of quiting these absurd theories.I started seeing people as human being and not as a hindu or muslim.Atheism gave a bright direction to my anti-racism mindset that I made doing very hard.I believe in science because it gives me answer and not religion because it only want me to get imprisoned in its answerable questions.
Basically it was science that helped me becoming an atheist.Many study science but do not live it, do not believe it.I believe the one who believes in science can never be into theism.I repeat studying science doesnt make one think scientifically. I'm in 11 th standard now and I've taken science as my stream. I've friends who come to exam hall painting their forehead with tilak of puja.I really feel poor for them.
This also makes me feel good that once I hated people considering their food habits and now I hate people considering their absurd beliefs.
Now remembering the former horrifying thoughts of me makes me love the present me.
Now whenever I open up about my believes the brats taunt me extraordinary. They say Im extra mature than what I should be in my age.They say I argue with them,I think Im the only right person in the world whenever they loss a debate with me.But these tags make me feel proud now.Even Im being scolded by my eldest sister and mother now for being too rational, they say I pretend to be an adult,I've lost innocence. But I think if throwing out the old heinous me is losing innocence then fine let it be.
Now I meet many people over social media who praise me for me achieving this mentality, personality at this early age, and I really feel proud of the present me.Except for some dumb morons I've met many in real life who praised me saying 'keep it up,we need more like you.'
Once I hated MUSLIMS who ate beef now I hate PEOPLE who believe in the religion theories.
The journey of considering persons from MUSLIMS to PEOPLE has been a wonderful journey to me, a journey of lessons to me.
Although I call myself an atheist now,I was not always like this.I couldn’t accept people from a specific religion.
I'm 17 now,although I've passed a very little part of my life,I've seen, observed and concluded a lot.I'm gonna start from the beginning.
I come from an Indian hindu brahmin family,my parents and the other older members were so in the religious things.My uncle is a hindu priest,we worshipped goddess kali at our home with flamboyance. My mother arranged the puja things devotedly.I've two sisters,the eldest one was so much in these things.So basically I had always been in a religious atmosphere.
I remember once at a point,I was about 9 years old, I dreamt of being a scientist. I dreamt of construct two temples in my house one of goddess kali, another of goddess tara as kali was worshipped at our family. A while later I realised they r all female so I need a male one too,as if it was choosing female and male singers😂.Then I chose lord narayan.
I was happy with my believes and dreams.
The same year I caught a severe fever that lasted around for 1-1.5 weeks.I saw a doctor and he said my blood would need to b tested if it doesnt cure in 3 days.So as a kid I was scared as hell regarding the blood test.So I prayed hard to maa tara to cure me and took an afternoon nap and when I woke up in evening miraculously my fever was gone!I was shocked and happy both at the same time.I was speechless that god really exists! I prayed and she blessed me! This made my belief more stronger on the god theory.
My elder sister was a bit different from others of my family, she was against these theorems, dont know where did she get this from.She had arguments with our mother and eldest sister for several times regarding this theism, disrespect for religion. Even I also didnt like the fact that she was against our tradition.
Days went,I got to standard 5, met new friends in school. Met mates from different religions,castes.Caste was not a factor to me ever but religion was, I generally avoided girls from muslim community, although I didnt have problems with christianity or other religions. Actually I hated the fact that the muslims eat beef,although reason behind it was not because hindus worship cows as mother. The reason was because I loved cows,they r so calm and innocent. How could someone kill them? Whenever I met new muslims I always asked them weird questions.
I remember once I asked a muslim girl in my class whether she likes beef or not,she replied gladly "yes", and my reaction was like 'aww chhiiii'.I never liked sitting with any muslim because I had thoughts that they r dirty somehow.But I never argued or insulted anyone from the muslim community because I was raised learning from my mother not to talk bad to anyone.
Giving up on god:
The same year I had two pet rabbits.They had given birth of their breeds.I loved them more than anything, infact the most.I didnt know how to take care of the baby rabbits and due to lack of proper care the 4 baby's health were deteriorating and were dying one by one.I prayed so hard to god to save them but nothing happened and they all died.The day I realised I was living in a myth for all these days and promised to myself of never attending any religious ritual.But as a kid it was easy for me to get convinced by the majority's interests.The majority of my family was believer of god.
Although I started giving up faith from god, I kept hating muslims.I remember another incident that was a bit more serious.I was in standard 7. A friend of me didnt bring tiffin that day instead she got money to buy something. The same day ironically our school authority was collecting funds from students for some helping issues.And that friend donated the money she got for her tiffin.She was not with me during the tiffin period so I couldnt share mine with her.A muslim girl had some of her tiffin left and she offered my friend for it.And I was the one who insisted her not to eat that tiffin.
After the tiffin period she felt a stomach ache and felt sick bcz she didnt eat anything in tiffin.Well at last she ate her tiffin in the words of a teacher.
Another time I refused to join a group feast bcz of a muslim member in it.
I knew I didnt believe in the god theories but I kept hating people regarding their religion,dont know what phase I was actually going through during this period.
Although I was always frank to everyone to say hi hello or these,I had no problems in talking with muslims or sitting with them but had in sharing tiffin.
I had other friends who were so close to muslim mates,and eventually I had to get familiar with them.I spoke with the muslim mates and saw how they had veiws over it.They didnt hate me bcz of my religion or food practices.
I gradually started understanding my elder sister's anti-racism thoughts,I started changing my mind.I stopped being stranged hearing her words anymore.I started judging things in a broad aspect.I realised the ones I used to consider dirtier than me were rather more transparent than me from mindset.This made me rethink about my mentality, personality.
I started greeting my muslim mates on eid or their festivals and saw them greeting me back.I felt good dk why.Ig I was going through the SECULARISM phase.
But the eating issue was still there.
A piece of religious stuff might be was still left in me.I realised I didnt completely deny the god theories!Because I didnt enter the oratory of my house during my menstrual period.Even I didnt contradict with my mother about these biased rituals many times.May be I still had a fear of getting cursed by god,so I could not completely avoid them.
I talked to my sister abt it and she said ' what exactly is stopping u from entering it?', 'its a scientific thing that every woman has to go through,why do u still obey these nonsense rules?'I thought about it, I studied about menstruation and other scientific facts that contradict god theories.I gradually started reforming me and got guts of denying these nonsense idiotic rules.
I entered the oratory if I needed.
My reformation got a flow
This was how I became friendly with the muslims.How I started accepting their food habits. How I won the inner racist me.
I respected their religious beliefs too.It was secularism too I guess.
On the other hand I was dealing with my beliefs in god.I was confused.
I've seen old persons asking for logic when I tell a scientific fact but ironically their ease of knowing logic gets vanished when I ask them logic of any religious belief.And this also made me think of the theism.I realised there are many oppressive rules in my religion,be it for lower castes,be it for women. Thinking about the racism made me oppose the monotonousness of religion.I started wondering why do I even have to label myself with a religion?Does this feed me?Does this makes me a famous person?All the time I asked these the answer I got was 'NO'.And I finally decided of quiting these absurd theories.I started seeing people as human being and not as a hindu or muslim.Atheism gave a bright direction to my anti-racism mindset that I made doing very hard.I believe in science because it gives me answer and not religion because it only want me to get imprisoned in its answerable questions.
Basically it was science that helped me becoming an atheist.Many study science but do not live it, do not believe it.I believe the one who believes in science can never be into theism.I repeat studying science doesnt make one think scientifically. I'm in 11 th standard now and I've taken science as my stream. I've friends who come to exam hall painting their forehead with tilak of puja.I really feel poor for them.
This also makes me feel good that once I hated people considering their food habits and now I hate people considering their absurd beliefs.
Now remembering the former horrifying thoughts of me makes me love the present me.
Now whenever I open up about my believes the brats taunt me extraordinary. They say Im extra mature than what I should be in my age.They say I argue with them,I think Im the only right person in the world whenever they loss a debate with me.But these tags make me feel proud now.Even Im being scolded by my eldest sister and mother now for being too rational, they say I pretend to be an adult,I've lost innocence. But I think if throwing out the old heinous me is losing innocence then fine let it be.
Now I meet many people over social media who praise me for me achieving this mentality, personality at this early age, and I really feel proud of the present me.Except for some dumb morons I've met many in real life who praised me saying 'keep it up,we need more like you.'
Once I hated MUSLIMS who ate beef now I hate PEOPLE who believe in the religion theories.
The journey of considering persons from MUSLIMS to PEOPLE has been a wonderful journey to me, a journey of lessons to me.
It was interesting reading about about your journey. Keep writing new blogs like this.
ReplyDeleteWith Love,
A Well Wisher
I don't understand why to having a Muslim friend you became an atheist even if it's your choice. If possible, know the true essence of Hinduism in the past, and what it has become now. I'm a Hindu, I don't even believe in rituals that much, it's kind of boring, I believe there is a creator, who is known as God, Allah, Christ, whatever you want. You may lose your hatred towards Muslims but develop towards others, as I say 'Don't follow Buddha follow his principles'.
ReplyDeletei expect a reply
I was reading your blog with full positivity, enthusiasm in heart & a neutral soul as I'm a devote Hindu. But in your second Paragraph where you mentioned that you lost faith in the god just because you couldn't save your pet despite you praying so much for them, I lost my enthusiasm & that neutrality all of a sudden. & Couldn't move forward but writing a reply.
ReplyDeleteAre your feelings so cheap & nonsensical that just by failing your rabbits from being died, you accused god for that. Then how much thankful you were ehn Maa Kali saved you?
Do you believe in destiny & time. I must say that you despite being a Brahmin girl has never read any hindu scriptures ever. Atleast read Bhagavad Gita with a biased or neutral heart, then you would know that even lord Krishna had had to face his destiny of being mercilessly killed by a predator & getting his empire drowned in the sea. Understanding life is not so easy. Just a mere incident can never define the reality. As it is a blog, I can't write you more. Hope you meet again.